‘Humne secret mein shaadi ki, mere terrace pe’: Archana Puran Singh and Parmeet Sethi on wedding, why living with partner before marriage is important | Feelings News


Archana Puran Singh recently revealed that she and Parmeet Sethi had a secret wedding, offering a rare glimpse into their unconventional love story. 

While speaking with comedian Bharti Singh and her husband, Haarsh Limbachiya, the couple shared that waiting five years before tying the knot turned out to be a good decision for Bharti and Haarsh. “Achi baat hai ki 4-5 saal ek doosre ko jaanne ke baad… nature kaisa hai, kya hai, then get married… humne bhi aise hi kiya. Chaar saal ek saath rahe hum, aur uske baad humne shaadi ki.”

When asked when they realised it was time to get married, Archana replied, “Chaar saal going around… and staying with each other. Phir humne secret shaadi ki. Humari shaadi kisi ko pata nahi chali… iske (Parmeet) mummy-papa ko bhi nahi pata chali thi. Toh humne secret mein shaadi ki, mere terrace pe, poorana mera flat tha waha par.”

The secrecy of their wedding wasn’t just a rebellion; it was a practical step toward understanding each other thoroughly before making their relationship official. Bharti then pointed out to Archana that she was giving ideas to her children who were sitting with them. “Karne do, yeh bhi kare, acha hai na… dekho divorce se better hai aap ek saath pehle raho,” she stated. 

Archana also expressed that many people do not support this idea of a live-in relationship before marriage. “Kai log of course iss baat se sehmat nahi hai ki ek saath rehna chahiye, woh apki apni soch hai. Humari apni soch hai.”

But how does living together before marriage impact the dynamics of a relationship, both positively and negatively?

Psychologist Anjali Gursahaney tells indianexpress.com, “Living together before marriage provides an opportunity to assess long-term compatibility by understanding each other’s habits, routines, and behaviours in a shared space. This period of cohabitation also promotes open communication and helps couples develop practical conflict-resolution skills. Furthermore, sharing household responsibilities fosters teamwork and collaboration, while observing a partner’s daily life helps reduce unrealistic expectations.”

Marriage may introduce new expectations, such as societal or familial roles, which can feel restrictive compared to cohabitation. Marriage may introduce new expectations, such as societal or familial roles, which can feel restrictive compared to cohabitation. (Source: Freepik)

However, she adds that cohabitation also has its drawbacks. “The excitement and novelty of moving in together after marriage may diminish if couples have already shared a living space. Without a formal commitment, blurred boundaries can lead to misunderstandings regarding roles and expectations. Additionally, some couples may enter cohabitation without thoroughly discussing their long-term goals, which studies suggest could increase the risk of breakup due to unresolved incompatibilities.”

Keeping cohabitation a secret and the effect it can have on their bond

In many cultures dominated by traditional values, Gurasahaney informs, living together before marriage is often stigmatised, pushing couples to keep their choices private. Family opposition, fuelled by fear of disapproval from parents or extended relatives, is another common factor. Additionally, some couples choose secrecy to protect their relationship from judgment or interference during its formative stages.

Concealing significant aspects of life may cause stress, guilt, or anxiety, which can impact the relationship. Moreover, avoiding openness may result in a delayed resolution of tensions with family or community, creating long-term challenges, explains Gursahaney.

Challenges couples face when transitioning from cohabitation to marriage, and how can they navigate them

Some challenges, according to Gursahaney, are:

  • Shift in Dynamics: Marriage may introduce new expectations, such as societal or familial roles, which can feel restrictive compared to cohabitation.
  • Legal and Financial Adjustments: Combining finances, legal responsibilities, and other formalities may create stress.
  • Loss of Independence: Partners may feel a perceived loss of individual freedom within the formal framework of marriage.

To navigate these issues, Gursahaney recommends having regular conversations about expectations, finances, and roles, which can help align both partners’ perspectives. Maintaining individuality within the relationship ensures personal growth and mutual respect can help. Consulting counselors or mentors can also help couples manage the transition smoothly.

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